Sore Losing

A key aspect of sport is its oppurtunity to create and strengthen bonds with other athletes through competition. Competing alongside teammates can lead to euphoric moments of shared victory, and competing against others is an excellent way to gauge one's potential and work toward self-improvement. However, competition will inevitably determine a winner and a loser, and some players do not accept defeat very well. Sore losers, or those who react to loss with frustration and a lack of grace, often sour the experience of sport for everybody involved. What is the mentality behind this frustration, and how can athletes help each other and themselves show more sportsmanship?

Tennis player breaks racket in frustration

Losing Hurts:

To be face to face with defeat is a universally painful experience. Whether it is by a tiny margin or a massive one, coming up short can be deeply disheartening– especially in a sports culture that glorifies victory. The feeling of loss often stems from the interpretation that an athlete's subpar performance signifies that their deep personal investments into their craft (such as their time, effort, and dedication) have gone to waste. A sense of pride can also exacerbate the hurt of loss; when athletes are proud of the fact that they are exceptional at what they do, defeat is harder to digest.

Am I A Sore Loser?

In reality, it is both normal and appropriate to experience these emotions after a loss. These emotions are a testament to the fact that an athlete cares and is both physically and emotionally invested in what they do. What separates the average athlete from a sore loser is that sore losers use these emotions as grounds for unsportsmanlike conduct, such as blaming, tantrums, a refusal to accept loss, and scapegoating the winner. Experiencing the negative feelings associated with loss is perfectly okay, but acting out is not.

Managing Loss:

Loss is an inevitable and necessary part of sports, and establishing a healthy relationship with it is crucial for athletes to improve themselves. Athletes should not fear the pain of loss. Refusing failure makes them less likely to take risks, tackle challenges, and welcome change, thus inhibiting their growth. Athletes should also not focus too much on loss, as dwelling excessively on disappointment and inadequacy counteracts forward progress; it is impossible to move forward by looking back. Instead, athletes should learn to accept loss as intrinsic to their athletic journey and use their experiences of defeat to motivate them. This mentality can help athletes come to terms with defeat more easily and learn to move on unburdened by their losses.

Sportsmanship in American football

Overcoming Loss:

There are many ways that athletes can overcome the heavy-heartedness of failure and coexist peacefully alongside it. A crucial tip is to focus on the effort given, not the outcome. It is finding satisfaction in the fact that everything was left on the playing field and acknowledging the growth that took place shifts weight away from the end result, leading to a more positive outlook. Embracing self-compassion and kindness is also an essential tool for mitigating loss because it emphasizes the idea that by virtue of being human, it is okay to make mistakes. By removing one's own criticism from the equation, athletes are more likely to achieve a kinder self-perception.

After athletes learn to accept their loss and start to feel better, they can employ these techniques in order to gain clarity after their setback. A good practice is to go over what went wrong and what went right. Acknowledging where athletes were a little lacking and determining what their strong suits are yielded crucial information that can shape how one trains moving forward. By working on flaws and reinforcing strengths, athletes can round themselves out in order to perform better in the future. Additionally, focusing only on what one can control is a very productive attitude, as it invalidates any anger directed at happenstance (such as poor weather or questionable arbitrating). Concentrating one's efforts on the factors that one can control is the best way to use the experience of loss as fuel for forward progress.

Gymnasts S. Biles and J. Chiles bowing to gold medalist Rebeca Andrade at Paris Games

Conclusion:

Learning how to cope with defeat is an imperative skill that strongly aids the evolution of an athlete. Though it is normal to hurt from a loss, knowing how to move past it in a graceful and respectful manner makes the athletic experience more enjoyable and worthwhile for competitors and spectators alike. By being an uplifting and positive force, athletes can help make the world of sports a safe and inclusive community for everybody.

Sources:

Amy Morin, LCSW. “How to Prevent Your Child from Having Poor Sportsmanship after Losing.” Parents, Parents, 25 July 2024, www.parents.com/sore-losing-in-children-8664176. Accessed 18 Aug. 2024. 

Goldberg, Alan. “Am I a Sore Loser Loser? - Get Mentally Tough with Competitive Edge.” Competitive Advantage: Mental Toughness, Competitive Advantage: Mental Toughness, 17 Mar. 2022, www.competitivedge.com/am-i-a-sore-loser/. Accessed 18 Aug. 2024. 

Hanson, Bo. “Poor Performance in Sport - How to Cope.” Athlete Assessments, 20 Oct. 2014, www.athleteassessments.com/poor-performance-in-sport-coping/. Accessed 18 Aug. 2024. 

psyche_the_mag. “How to Be a Better Loser: Psyche Guides.” Psyche, psyche.co/guides/how-to-be-a-better-loser-and-grow-from-your-mistakes. Accessed 18 Aug. 2024.

“Sore Losers and Sportsmanship: 5 Things to Remember.” YMCA of Greater Brandywine, ymcagbw.org/blog/sore-losers-and-sportsmanship-5-things-remember. Accessed 18 Aug. 2024.